Working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much as they should with their families or on leisure activities. What is your opinion

    In many counties often told about the reduction working hours. The dreams about more leisure activities in twenty one century were broken. The higher technologies didn’t make any free times for peoples life. We have been working more and more. We don’t have more money, we don’t have more rest and we don’t have more happiness. The future of today are difference the future of the pass.


    First of all, I would like to say that too long working hours make peoples more stressed. Peoples don’t have enough free time for rest, sleeps and leisure of course. That’s reasons of many diseases and rapid aging. In result, we have been died with regret about stupid and boring life. We did not know about environment and we don’t know about any family’s happiness. It is very terrible.


    Second of all, short working hours will have created new jobs. In this case the economics of many countries would be increases. Most of peoples will have job and money. Most of people will have more leisure activities and rest their families. We will have less hunger and died. Peoples will have started think about kids and beautiful of lives.


    Finally, short working hours will have created more free time for making new ideas. People could be thinking about changes of lives and making more and more interesting things. We were born for building. We weren’t born for job. We have only one life. It is all that we have. Everybody must be having chosen.

После просмотра данного эссе были сделаны следуюшие замечания:

• В эссе необходимо употребление сложных оборотов
  
• Нет примеров "мелких" типа мой знакомы делал то-то и получилось то-то, что было неверным. а все глобально.
  
• Много не английских конструкций.
  
• Необходимо поработать с грамматикой (времена) и смыслом.
  

Привожу немного проработанную версию:


It’s known in many countries told about the reduction working hours. The dreams about more leisure activities were broken in twenty one century. High technologies didn’t make any free times for peoples life. We have been working more and more. We don’t have more money, we don’t have enough rest and we don’t have much happiness. Today’s future is different from our understanding of the future in the past.


First of all, I think that too long working hours make peoples more stressed. People don’t have enough free time for rest, sleeping and leisure of course. That’s reason of many diseases and rapid aging. In result, we will die with regret about stupid and boring life. We did not know the environment and we don’t know about any family’s happiness. It is very terrible. My old friend worked hard and now, he doesn’t have wife, kids and youth. He also stressed and can’t found an interesting job.


Second of all, short working hours will create new jobs. In this case the economics of many countries would be increased. Most of people will have job and money. Most of people will have more leisure activities and rest their families. We will have less hunger and death. People will start to think about kids and beautiful of lives.


Finally, short working hours will create more free time for making new ideas. People will think about changes of lives and make more and more interesting things. We were born for building. We weren’t born for job. We have only one life. It is all that we have. Everybody must be having chosen.